There’s no point hiding this anymore.

I believe its safe to say I’m about to lose it, and have been for some time. My sanity is hanging by a quickly unraveling thread, and not in the “good way” mind you. Yesterday I woke up a shaking mess, and for whatever reason my body so heavy I could not move. The shaking hasn’t stopped, even now as I type this. Things feel like there spinning out of control and at this point its impossible for me to try and make any sense…so don’t rag me about it. I’m flunking English like there’s no tomorrow. I have to do a presentation tomorrow and I’m so out of sorts I can’t even remember what about. I ahven’t made a grade above a 20 in Algebra in so long its pointless even trying to remember, yet that kind old lady keeps giving me a 70 on all my report cards and progress reports. I have 5 essays that were due in History almost 2 weeks ago that I haven’t even started on yet. Everyone I know just asks me about what college I’m going to go to and what I’m going to do with my life. For whatever reason whenever someone asks me about that sort of thing I get angry and anxious and can’t take it. And that’s the least of it. There’s been quite a bit of family drama that I really don’t want to go into; but I will tell you that I’ve become so fed up with Momo’s persistent naggings, manipulation and put-downs that I honestly hate her, and want to tell her to take that Texas Tomorrow fund and shove it up her ass because I don’t want her to have anything over me. Ever since Christmas I’ve been losing my will, everything that once drove me and made me happy can’t even bring a sincere smile to my face. I’m not excited about anything anymore. Whenever I say I’m happy, its not sincere, I just tell people I am so they won’t worry about me. I don’t want people to worry about me, even though in my heart I know I’ve never been this unhstable and in a rut in my entire life. I’ve lost any ability to truly confide in people. My friends and loved ones obviously see something’s wrong with me, they ask me asbout it, an I lie, even though deep in my heart I just want to tell them every thing, I can’t. For whatever reason I just can’t speak…there’s just so much and I’m so stressed out its not even funny. I KNOW other people have it much worse but at the moment this is too much for me. I know things will get better…they have to…But I know they will…

Needless to say I’m taking a break. I don’t know how long, so don’t ask. I’m posting this at all the clubs I watch over, and if someone actually want to take over admin duties while I’m gone, note me. I’ll try to check my messages whenever I can, and if you want my email or AIM just note me.

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